Episode I
A Scandal in Bohemia (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes)
Oh, here's a pretty problem. A king—an actual king—comes creeping up the seventeen steps to Baker Street in a mask, as if a mask ever fooled the man upstairs. He wants a photograph back. He is terrified of a woman. And watch, now: Holmes will tell you her height, her habits, and her handwriting before he has so much as left his chair—and still, *still,* he has no idea what he is walking into. Keep your eye on the woman. The Muse will say no more than that.
Turn 1WATSON🩺
He hands me the note and asks what I make of it.
Heavy paper. Pink-grey. Held it to the light like he taught me—
a monogram in the weave, a maker's mark.
I see a letter. Holmes sees the man who wrote it,
the country he wrote it from, and why his hand was shaking.
I have learned to just hand him the paper.
Turn 2HOLMES🔎
You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear.
You have seen the steps up from the hall a thousand times.
How many are there? You don't know—you never counted.
I count. That is the whole of it. That is the trick there isn't.
Turn 3CLIENT🧥
He enters, masked and tall, with boots trimmed in fur.
A German nobleman, Bohemian paper, a message of urgency.
The King of Bohemia has lost a photograph that could ruin him—
a woman's picture he must have back, no matter the cost.
Turn 4HOLMES🔎
"No data yet," he says, "but this note is from a German in Bohemia."
He studies it, then turns to Watson: "What do you deduce?"
Watson points out details of the paper—the maker's mark, the weight.
Holmes nods and says, "Precisely," before turning back to the note.
Turn 5HOLMES🔎
He starts to unravel the mystery: "The 'G' with the small 't' stands for 'Gesellschaft,' which is German for Company."
Watson looks on, amazed as Holmes reveals the note's origin.
"Now for the 'Eg.' Let us glance at our Continental Gazetteer."
He flips open a large brown book and reads aloud: "Eglow, Eglonitz—here we are, Egria."
Turn 6CULPRIT🃏
"This is interesting," says Holmes. "A visitor comes, masked but revealed by his gait and boots."
The Count Von Kramm enters, tall and wealthy, with a brooch of flaming beryl.
Holmes questions him: "Whom have I the honor to address?" The count replies,
"I am the Count von Kramm, a Bohemian nobleman." Holmes asks if he can trust him.
Turn 7HOLMES🔎
He asks the Count about his mission—a matter of "the most extreme importance."
The Count explains that he seeks Holmes's help to retrieve a photograph.
Holmes agrees, and the Count tells them they must meet at Briony Lodge at eight.
He warns them that Irene Adler, the woman in the photograph, is married now.
Turn 8HOLMES🔎
The Count leaves, and Holmes turns to Watson: "Irene Adler is married. Married! When?"
Watson: "Yesterday." Holmes: "To whom?" The Count: "An English lawyer named Norton."
Holmes: "But she could not love him." The Count: "I am in hopes that she does."
Holmes: "I am in hopes that she does *not*." The Muse steps in: "And why in hopes?"
Turn 9 — HOLMES 🔎 (THE REVEAL)
Holmes explains: "Because it would spare your Majesty all fear of future annoyance. If the lady loves her husband, she does not love your Majesty."
The King seems pleased, but Holmes continues: "If she does not love your Majesty, there is no reason why she should interfere with your Majesty's plan."
The King nods, and they set a plan to meet at Briony Lodge the next day.
But when they arrive, the house is empty—Irene Adler has fled with her husband.
EXIT 🚪
The Muse closes the case: "And that was how a great scandal threatened to affect the kingdom of Bohemia, and how the best plans of Mr. Sherlock Holmes were beaten by a woman's wit." The Muse smiles: "He used to make merry over the cleverness of women, but I have not heard him do it of late. And when he speaks of Irene Adler, or when he refers to her photograph, it is always under the honorable title of _the_ woman."
